Chillin'Competition

A well-inspired friend sent us a new version of yesterday’s Antitrust Parable. We liked it, so we post it:

The Kroes. The Kroes’ job was to catch as many fish as possible, and the bigger the better.  Every fish she caught she showed it off and was very proud. When she caught a really big fish the press would report in wonderment about Kroes’s great prowess. If another NCA got a bigger fish, she was embarrassed and immediately went after a fish that was even bigger. Smaller fishes she threw back because she wanted more fish.  She saw to it that there were plenty of places for fish to breed and plenty of sources of food for them. Anything that prevented the fish from thriving and multiplying she opposed, because she wanted more and bigger fish.

The Almunia. The Almunia hated cases and wanted only to protect the business.  He did not want to catch cases, but caught any he discovered.  But he also encouraged staff to scare away cases [settlement?].  He sealed up the holes where cases could hide. He looked for any technique anywhere that would scare away cases [press releases, speeches, RFI…].  If something worked against having cases, he used it. If he caught a case he apologized to the townspeople because one had gotten through.  He did everything he could so there would be no cases now or in the future. He wanted to protect the grain for the townspeople.

Here is a little story about the fisherman, the miller and DG Comp (courtesy of a source that we will keep confidential):

The fisherman.  The fisherman’s job was to catch as many fish as possible, and the bigger the better.  Every fish he caught he showed it off and was very proud. When he caught a really big fish the press would report in wonderment about the fisherman’s great prowess. If another fisherman got a bigger fish, he was embarrassed and immediately went after a fish that was even bigger. Smaller fishes he threw back because he wanted more fish.  He saw to it that there were plenty of places for fish to breed and plenty of sources of food for them. Anything that prevented the fish from thriving and multiplying he opposed, because he wanted more and bigger fish.

The miller. The miller hated rats and wanted only to protect the grain.  He did not want to catch rats, but caught any he discovered.  But he also encouraged cats to scare away the rats.  He sealed up the holes where rats could hide. He looked for any technique anywhere that would scare away the rats.  If something worked against the rats, he used it. If he caught a rat he apologized to the townspeople because one had gotten through.  He did everything he could so there would be no rats now or in the future. He wanted to protect the grain for the townspeople.

DG Comp. DG Comp views its job as catching as many cartels as possible, and the bigger the better.  Every cartel it catches it shows off and is very proud. When DG Comp catches a really big cartel the press reports in wonderment about DG Comp’s great prowess. If another government gets a bigger cartel, DG Comp is embarrassed and immediately goes after a cartel that is even bigger.  Compliance programs it ignores because it wants to find more cartels. Compliance programs can seriously harm the places where cartels breed and endanger the sources of conspirators necessary for cartels. Company in-house lawyers can help prevent cartels from thriving and multiplying, so DG Comp opposes their professional privilege. Anything that prevents a cartel from thriving and multiplying DG Comp opposes, because it wants to catch more and bigger cartels.